F*ck no with hell f*cking no on the side !!!

Death Unwept - Michele Bardsley

*Warning: Swearing and adult content ahead, tread at your own risk*


I think this will be a short review if I don't want to go berserk. Everything wrong with this book can be put into more pages than this book actually has. So let me just show you a couple of things...




"Who says I don’t have two cocks?”
„He reached between his legs, grabbing his manhood. As she watched, his penis split in two, the new one the exact size and shape as the original one behind it. Both were deliciously hard.Goddess Almighty! She tossed away the dildo and crawled toward him. “There sure are some perks to fucking you.”"


Because why not. Let a demon DP her with his shape shifting unexplained morphing body of sorts. Oh, first it says demons have to be in humans, later when he saves her he is in his demon form and nobody bats an eye. Right.




"“If you think I’m above fucking you so I can pretend you’re Damian,” said Maggie, “then you’re wrong. I’ll come on your cock and scream his name. I have no pride, demon. I have no honor.”
“I’ve always wanted you,Mags ,”lied the creature with Damian’s face. “I will take you any way you’ll have me. I don’t have any pride or honor either.”
“Well, damn. Aren’t we a pair?” "


Damian was the man she was allegedly in love with for 5 years and who recently died in front of her eyes. She has no problem with his half-demon brother shifting into his dead brother's form and fuck her like that. That's just... fucking incredible.




"Heart pounding, she realized Maggie Mortis, big bad demon hunter, had nearly jumped out of her skin witnessing a guy get a cock plunged into his ass."


Yes... that happens right at the beginning of the book. You see, she loves Damian but he only goes for men. But since he has such a good heart, he lets her watch him fuck and get fucked from a secret room through a mirror. And she masturbates while watching him with others. Oh, but wait, there is more, proceed to the next point.




"She was still trying to process the idea that Damian had videotaped her. He’d never told her about his brother.Never said a fucking word in five years. But he’d been secretly taping her masturbating, screaming his name, listening and watching… and sending the evidence of her shameful passion to his brother."


Hahahaha, I don't even know whether to cry or scream or laugh hysterically because this is just a perfect way to end the book. Damian always taped her masturbating while watching him have sex with other men and he sent that to his brother thinking they might like each other without ever telling her and his brother fell in love with her watching her "sex" tapes. WHAT THE SERIOUS FUCK???




And let me end with poor excuses that the author tries to put out as humour.


"My mother used to say that when life handed you lemons, you should make lemonade. But what do you do when life hands you demons? Make demonade?"


"“I think it’s gonna be difficult sticking both of those into your pants,” she said as she washed the two penises."


I have such a serious headache right now that I want to shoot myself. This is more stupid than the crap Trump shits out of his mouth, and when I say that I mean it's so low that I would give it negative stars if I could.




For anyone who thinks my review isn't objective, well duh, it's how I feel and think and no one can look at this objectively, seriously.


But let me add this... there is no story, everything that is supposed to make this more intriguing is just stitched around sex. "Story" goes like this:


Maggie lost her parents to a demon she wants to find, she says she hunts demons not that we see it, she lives in a mansion with her Guardian Damian and it is never explained why or why does she need one, what are they, who is this God and Goddess you keep mentioning, what are those realms, how those demon-trapping prisms work, nothing is ever explained. So she is in love with Damian for 5 years but he only likes men so she watches him fuck others and get fucked. Then he is killed. His half-demon brother whom he never mentioned appears. She fucks him in Damian form. Then she falls in love with him in less than a week. Then she fucks him with a strap-on she bought thinking Damian might let her do that to him but he didn't. Then she wants to know why the brother Raphael claims he loves her since he never met her and he never explains. Then a demon shows up and kills the housemaid and says Maggie is related to him then he poofs out. Then some High Priestess Meleena shows up and tells her they will catch him one day. Then Raphael tells Maggie he has been watching videos of her masturbating while watching Damian fuck taken in secret and that's how he fell in love with her. And then the best part comes... THE END!!!


Why do I do this to myself, really, why.... I am truly a book masochist. I'm going to go take a painkiller and try and get Men in Black to erase my memories of this...  of the existence of this. 


Don't read this, don't. Just don't.